echidna | ❄ tenth reminder

❄ tenth reminder

[ action ; 1338 benny ; morning ]

[ so the previous day you likely noticed that Jade was a happy, cheerful drone! fortunately, today she is back to her normal self, up bright and early and just a little confused, all things considered. but for now, she's settled herself down at the breakfast table, humming and working at a bowl of cereal.

everything seems pretty normal, save for the pair of dog ears she's now sporting. ]

[ phone ]

Hi Mayfield, it's Jade! [ wow she sounds super excited! breeeeathe! ] I have so much to tell you!

I went home! I'm not really sure how, or if that kind of thing happens a lot but I went home and I don't think I remembered being here or what but it's really weird! I'm also not sure why I'm back but I guess I'm kind of glad because now I can tell everyone-- or maybe I'm not supposed to say anything! Does anyone know anything about that, I mean, I don't want to spoil anything for my friends who don't know what's going to happen.

Timelines are getting kind of difficult to keep track of, maybe I should make a list.

Anyway, does this going home thing happen a lot? Because I keep getting pulled out at kind of inconvenient times!

[ action ; around mayfield ]

[ Jade is quite active around Mayfield today, once again having donned her girl scouts uniform, but without the wagon of cookies in tow. She's chopped some holes into her hat to accommodate her newly regained ears, and is approaching just about everyone, be they girl or otherwise, with the intention of recruitment. ]

Hi, did you know that you look like you would make an excellent girl scout?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Yeah. He is just...facepalming before turning back on Jade.]

I don't want to work well with others.

I don't want to be around others, especially right now.

I just want to be left alone.

But you said-- [ frowning. but. ] Um, are you okay?

[He says a lot of things. Its kind of a crapshoot when he actually means any of it.]

Yeah. I'm fine.

Just tired.

[ She's actually a little hesitant to press the issue... ]

Are you sure?

Completely.

What's up with the ears?

[Time to change discussions.]

If you're sure... [ but surprisingly enough, she doesn't press it further. ]

I regained them this morning.

So, what, you're part dog or something?

No, I'm still all human, just with dog ears.

[ as far as she knows. ]

So you were born with them or something than?

[Which, really, wouldn't be too weird as far as the things he's seen.]

Nope! Actually, I went home yesterday, and that's when I got them. Then I regained them when I got back here.

Huh. Fair enough then.

So are you actually planning something with recruiting all these people into the girlscouts, or are they just going to be girlscouts?

I think girl scouts is really fun, so I want to help other people have fun too. There's a lot of drone girls in it right now, so it would definitely be nice to have less creepy company.

[...Pokey actually visibly recoils and looks away a little when Jade mentions the drone girls still in the girl scouts, but he tries to readjust and show himself as unbothered.]

You could just, you know, quit the girl scouts and do the stuff they usually do with your friends instead of trying to bring others into an organization filled with drones.

[ no pokey you don't understand.................... ]

But then I wouldn't get badges.

[Pokey just stares at Jade, his face going into a tight, thin little line.]

...Are you serious?

[ stares back.

points at the couple of badges she's already earned.

you bet your hot butt she's serious. ]

Yes.

[Staring. Just staring a bit more. He opens his mouth once, trying to say something, then closes it shut. Quick. Quivering a little as his lips stretch into an angry smile before he starts to turn away and leave again.]

Oh. Well great. Have fun.

[Not annoyance now. Genuine anger.]

[ w a t.

how did that happen. ]

Why are you mad??

[Pokey turns on his heels to face Jade again. He wants to keep walking. To just leave, and shut up, but he can't help it. He's too angry, and he can't control what he wants to say.]

Do you have any idea how long I've been here? Or how many people I've tried working with to get out? People who actually wanted to get out, and worked to try to? Do you know how long many of them, people I-people I could work with, have been gone?

And you're focused on collecting friggin' girl scout badges?

Yes, I do! And I've been here pretty long too now! I know how this place works, I've seen my friends die and I've died too, so don't tell me I don't know how bad it can be here.

Not everyone has homes they can go back too even if they could get out, so this place is better than being dead forever! It's not bad to find good things about this place, things that make you happy or have fun. I don't know that much about you, or everything that's happened to you here, or what you have waiting for you back home, but I don't think that justifies getting upset when other people try to make the best of things!

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. You're right. I should try and make the best of things. I'll make sure to focus entirely on stupid crap like running for police chief which was an obvious red herring or trap, or attending all the just utterly productive dances, or playing girl scouts!

[His voice is frantic, and angry, and he chokes back, just barely a few times. He blinks his eyes a few times, hoping Jade can't notice to see that he's trying not to cry.]

There isn't a problem with finding things that make you happy if you're also trying to make an effort to do something like kill the people running this place so those who want to can get out of here. But no. You haven't done anything. At least I tried before I realized my worthlessness, instead of acting worthless from the get go.

I don't know you, not really. But I already know you're better than me, like everyone here you're better than me, and I'm sorry you have to deal with this crap. And I don't-

[He shakes his head a little, before smiling bitterly.]

Never mind. Just never mind. Do whatever you want. I don't have any right to judge you.

Edited 2011-11-05 07:09 (UTC)

[ Jade's gaze remains locked on him while he speaks,though it softens from a glare to something between bewilderment and sympathy as he continues. It reminds her of the conversation she had with him months ago, where he had surprised her and-- she notices he's struggling not to cry, and her instinct is to hug, but she firmly stamps that out. Not now. ]

I'm sick of death. A lot of my friends have died here, and back home, and I don't want anything to do with it. I want to make things better here, but I don't think it's as simple as finding who's in charge and killing them. If we don't stay dead, why would they? You can say that the police thing was stupid, but it wasn't too me. Yeah, it might have been silly to think they would actually pick me, but I couldn't let that stop me from trying.

I know I'm not doing stuff that will get people out of here, and you probably don't see it, but what I do is try and make people happier. When they smile and laugh because I'm selling them cookies and have dog ears, maybe I'm making them feel a little bit better, or stronger, or cheered up, or anything! I think that's important too.

[Pokey just crosses his arms across his chest, struggling to maintain composure. The snobbish appearance of doing this, however, lets him build his control back up. He smacks his lips once, trying to coordinate himself, before speaking again.]

We could change the system. We could find out what they're doing and change it so it doesn't do this ridiculous reincarnation pig-crap all the time. We need to do something to them. They need to be punished.

[They're so like him. He'd have thought the things that happen to people here were hysterical if he could have found a way to just watch them instead of being forced into them himself. And now that he does have to go through them, it almost makes him sick to his stomach. How he used to have been. And he just can't imagine letting people still doing shit like this get away with it.]

Look, the idea of trying for it was nice, in a stupid way. It's not really fair to have pissed on you so much for it considering you were so new and didn't get how crap here worked but...sometimes things are just futile. That's all it is.

.....Happiness is....

[Something he doesn't really understand. Something he came to a weird little understanding with during July 4th, but still confounds him in general. He just shakes his head.]

Maybe you do. I don't really get the idea. So maybe you do.

I can't argue with you there. [ Just because she's looking for silver linings doesn't mean she wants to resign herself to constantly being tortured by their captors. It occurs to her that maybe there is more that she could or should be doing, she's just not sure what. ]

You mean you don't- [ wait, seriously? ] You don't get happiness?

...I get bits and pieces of it. Little scraps.

But I have a hard time-

[He knows what he wants. And he knows that in a lot of cases, by this point? He can't have it. He clenches and unclenches his fist, thinking about how to phrase it. Because he doesn't know how to deal, realizing he had what he wanted in grasp but didn't recognize it for what it was when he had it. And now that he recognizes it? He hates he didn't see it to begin with.]

...I just don't get it. And I really don't want to. It's a lie, for the most part.

❄ tenth reminder

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

I'm sorry how many times I edited this.

it's ok i will just never forgive you

;n; Oooooooooh noooooooo

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)