echidna: (❀ we all want something beautiful)
Jade Harley ✿ gardenGnostic ([personal profile] echidna) wrote2011-10-01 06:55 pm

❄ sixth reminder

[ morning ; 1338 benny road ]

[ Jade can't help but feel something is wrong this morning when she wakes up. She feels like she's missed something, almost like she's been asleep for a long time. She stumbles out of bed, feeling a little fuzzy, noticing the changes to her room. The window's been repaired, there's a backpack that she didn't have before with half finished homework on the desk. She doesn't really start to feel concerned until she looks at the calendar on her wall, which has been flipped over to October.

That can't be right.

She grabs it from the wall, bursts out into the hallway still in her nightgown and clutching it to her chest. ]


Karkat? Gamzee?

[ phone ]

Hi Mayfield! Long time no talk! Or maybe we did talk, but it wasn't me me, it was creepy drone me. I'm not really sure what happened, I can't remember anything since, hmmm, a couple weeks ago, I think, after the zombies. I don't remember going home, or being here, nothing! It's kind of scary, but I'm glad that I was a normal creepy drone and not a murderous creepy drone. I really hope that doesn't happen to me again. Have you ever had something like that happen to you? Not even just droning but, I don't know, something reeeeally creepy where you almost... don't exist. It's kind of scary.

Oh, and apparently I'm a girl scout now, hehe.

[ afternoon ; your front door ]

[ There is some pretty persistent knocking at your front door right now. If and when you get around to answering it, you will find Jade on your doorstep, wagon stacked high with boxes of cookies behind her. She is looking particularly adorable right now, all dressed up in a girl scout's uniform. ]

Hi!! Do you like cookies?

[ phone; fail filter to eridan ]

Eridan? Hi, um... how are you?

[identity profile] crusthatecean.livejournal.com 2011-10-03 11:51 pm (UTC)(link)
[He leans automatically into her touch, feeling a little surprised and a little shaken that he actually said all of that out loud. Her words are nice, and on some level he knows it's true. It was never fair to ask this much of him. But it's also not so easy to forget a lifetime of self-doubt.]

I just wish they had someone who really could save them all. But they're stuck with me. And the worst part of it is...

[He looks away, feeling a little ashamed of himself, but in this deep enough that he can't bring himself to care whether he seems pathetic. It will be hard to face Jade after this, but part of him has really needed to talk to someone for such a long time and he doesn't want to stop.]

I mean, for a long time, I would've given anything to just...fuck, I don't need to be Feferi. Give me a blood color like Aradia's, give me a shitty lowblood symbol and let me type in a shitty lowblood color and get shoved around all the time and grow up to fail at becoming a threshecutioner and generally lead a shitty lowblood life...I don't know. For a long time, I hated whoever decided to make me like this. There's a great punchline to that joke if you know anything about the ectobiology component of the game, by the way. I sent my own wiggler self back to be born and for a minute I didn't want to.

But you know, for all of that? I think I wanted to believe that I really was special and I really should be their leader and I really did deserve their respect. So no, I don't think I was brave and strong. I think I was arrogant and I think I wanted them to need me, and now they're stuck with me because there is no one else.

[identity profile] crusthatecean.livejournal.com 2011-10-04 03:44 am (UTC)(link)
[He really appreciates that embrace right now, although he doesn't do much to show it besides not shifting away from it.]

I couldn't do that. But it's not like it did them a lot of good.

God. I'm just a tightly wrapped bundle of issues upon issues just waiting to burst and I recognize how pathetic I sound dwelling on them like this. The pity me crap is getting almost as tired as the self-hate.

I'm sorry. I haven't always been this bad.

[identity profile] crusthatecean.livejournal.com 2011-10-04 03:53 am (UTC)(link)
It doesn't mean everyone hears about it from everyone.

[He sighs a little testily, but honestly, having her just listen is probably more helpful than anything Rose would do. He doesn't want to be dissected or feel like something is wrong with him. He's just tired of having to feel this way all alone.]

Yes, I guess. Better, if slightly humiliated.

[identity profile] crusthatecean.livejournal.com 2011-10-04 04:06 am (UTC)(link)
I've had a lot of character built for me recently.

[identity profile] crusthatecean.livejournal.com 2011-10-04 04:21 am (UTC)(link)
It goes without saying you don't need to tell anyone any of this.

[identity profile] crusthatecean.livejournal.com 2011-10-04 04:32 am (UTC)(link)
I don't want you to die. Just keep your word hole shut about this.

[identity profile] crusthatecean.livejournal.com 2011-10-04 04:42 am (UTC)(link)
Oh. Pretty fucking morbid.

[Now he's shifting a little for her to let go; he's reaching his limits of the emotional openness he can handle and he's feeling a little uncomfortable now.]

[identity profile] crusthatecean.livejournal.com 2011-10-04 04:50 am (UTC)(link)
We do. Although if we made a promise saying we hoped to die, it would mean we were actually planning to die if we broke it.

It's rarer with humans.

[identity profile] crusthatecean.livejournal.com 2011-10-04 05:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Good.

Well. Thanks. I should probably...go get ready for school or something.