[He leans automatically into her touch, feeling a little surprised and a little shaken that he actually said all of that out loud. Her words are nice, and on some level he knows it's true. It was never fair to ask this much of him. But it's also not so easy to forget a lifetime of self-doubt.]

I just wish they had someone who really could save them all. But they're stuck with me. And the worst part of it is...

[He looks away, feeling a little ashamed of himself, but in this deep enough that he can't bring himself to care whether he seems pathetic. It will be hard to face Jade after this, but part of him has really needed to talk to someone for such a long time and he doesn't want to stop.]

I mean, for a long time, I would've given anything to just...fuck, I don't need to be Feferi. Give me a blood color like Aradia's, give me a shitty lowblood symbol and let me type in a shitty lowblood color and get shoved around all the time and grow up to fail at becoming a threshecutioner and generally lead a shitty lowblood life...I don't know. For a long time, I hated whoever decided to make me like this. There's a great punchline to that joke if you know anything about the ectobiology component of the game, by the way. I sent my own wiggler self back to be born and for a minute I didn't want to.

But you know, for all of that? I think I wanted to believe that I really was special and I really should be their leader and I really did deserve their respect. So no, I don't think I was brave and strong. I think I was arrogant and I think I wanted them to need me, and now they're stuck with me because there is no one else.