echidna | ❄ third reminder

❄ third reminder

[ phone ]

[ Jade places this call only a few minutes after drinking the morning's milk delivery. She sounds exactly like she feels: shitty. ]

Um, hi, Mayfield. I know things have been pretty bad recently, but I hope everyone's doing okay. I'm sorry I haven't been checking in on anyone!

[ Any cheeriness she had fostering fades as she continues. ]

With the way death is in this place, I guess I shouldn't be scared of it, but I still sort of am. Especially when I've already done it once. Hehe, um, at least this time I don't think it's going to hurt so badly.

So I guess I'll be able to talk to everyone tomorrow! I wonder if my police chief application had been better, maybe this wouldn't have happened. ...oh well.

Stay safe everyone! Bye.

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[ Jade lets Gamzee take the reigns in roping Karkat into the hug pile. ]

Yeah, it's different. I don't really know how to explain it but- [ Another sudden stop, she gasps and hisses in pain. Before where it was slow and agonizing, this is sharp and sudden. ] It's different.

[Okay, fine, holding hands with Gamzee is something he can do here.]

Maybe you should lie down. We don't know that you're not--

[He was going to say that she might just be sick. It's certainly possible. But he changes his mind and doesn't say it because he needs to be the pessimistic one right now. If certain stupid people he knows are too convinced she won't die, it will be a mess, and it's probably not what Jade wants to hear either.]

We don't know that this won't take a long time.

[That's okay, Gamzee has more than enough hope for the both of them.]

But if it's different, that's good, yeah? Means it ain't the same shit what you choked down last time.

Heh, give me a break Karkat. I'm fine right here.

[ There's no point in moving, because with the way she's feeling right now it can't be much longer till she- dies. Again.

Speaking of dying, things are starting to feel really weird on her end, the pain dulls but becomes hot and spreads through her, numbing her skin and making her pulse pound in her ears. ]

Oh, [ She groans, sinks against Gamzee and tries to hold onto something. In this case it's Karkat's shirt that she latches onto, fingers curling tightly into the fabric as she tries to steady herself against a sudden onslaught of disorientation. ] oh no.

[Oh, okay, well, as long as she's doing that, he'll hold her upright so she doesn't fall. She's not heavy and he can easily support her weight like this.]

Gamzee, shut up.

[This definitely isn't the same thing he drank.]

[He tightens his grip on Jade instinctively, swallowing hard. It might not be as bad it looks, there might still be a miracle that'll save her at the last second...but Karkat told him to shut up, so he keeps silent.

He wishes he could do something to help, but the only thing he can think of right now is to pray that this will be over soon and hold Jade tighter. If she is going to die, at least she won't do it alone.]

[ And she's at least glad for that. She doesn't want to put them through this anymore than she wants to go through it herself, but the idea of dying alone is scary enough that she doesn't even try to send them away. Not that she thinks either of them would actually listen. ]

I'm going to be back really soon, so don't get sad, okay? [ It's taking all the energy she has left to summon up some cheerfulness for them. Despite the brightness to her voice she seems to be wilting between them, gaze unfocused. ] I'm not even that scared anymore.

Yeah. I guess when you come back the next day, it's basically hard to care at all. See you tomorrow, I guess.

[He gives Jade a meaningful look, to let her know that he sure fucking doubts what she just said, but whatever sarcasm was in that sentence, it's intentionally subtle.

But then again, maybe it is hard to care. He's only watched others go through it, and remembering that makes this hurt so much more.]

[Gamzee clears his throat and tries to smile; after all, if Jade can face this with resolute cheerfulness, there's no reason why he can't either.]

Yeah, it ain't that bad, just like going to sleep. Haha, maybe you'll even have up a real motherfuckin' nice dream. And when they kick your bad self on over back, we can all be having a wicked motherfuckin' party.

Wow Karkat, how can you talk to a dying girl like that?

[ But she's that look and understands, returns it with one of her own and offers a reassuring smile. ]

That sounds really nice. [ She leans heavily against Gamzee, can barely hear what she's saying at this point. ] Okay, I think... [ But she doesn't quite finish whatever she was going to say. Instead she stiffens abruptly, whimpers in pain and relaxes, her hand losing it's grip on Karkat's shirt as she starts to slump forward.

There's one last quiet exhale, and then nothing. ]

[He holds her until he's sure she's gone. He feels so awful and so guilty and so tired, but he's careful not to let any of it show on his face.]

We should leave her in her room, it'll be easiest that way. Help me move her.

[Gamzee's misery, on the other hand, is clearly written over every inch of his face. He knows he shouldn't be feeling this terrible, not when she's coming back tomorrow anyway and when she'd been so brave facing her death, but it's been a rough week and this time around he doesn't have any sopor slime to drown out all his thoughts and emotions with.]

Yeah, I...yeah. [He hesitates for a second before gently closing Jade's eyes; it's not really a very troll thing to do, but it makes him feel a little better - at least he can pretend that she's just sleeping.]

Come on. At your rate, she'll wake up before we get her anywhere.

[He starts to lift her up, giving Gamzee a sharp look to help.]

Haha, you think so? That'd be way motherfuckin' sweet.

[He obediently goes to her other side, placing one of Jade's arms around his shoulder and his other arm under her leg before trying to hoist her up.]

[Okay, so he'll lead the way to carry her back to her room.]

She'll be back tonight. Enough time that you can bother her instead of me if you want someone to sleep with, thank god.

[ Maybe you'll even have up a real motherfuckin' nice dream.

Wishful thinking.

But no dreams are better than nightmares, and it's just a heavy, empty darkness that weighs down upon her until she wakes up, somewhere in the earliest hours of the morning. Jade spends several minutes in a bleary daze, takes a deep breath in a slow, almost gasping manner, as though it were her first breath of air in days.

There's only a few moments of pleasant ignorance before reality begins seeping in, and she remembers why she's here and everything that's happened that brought her to this point. This is her second time waking up after dying, but it feels strangely different, in a way she can't quite put her finger on. She feels awful, but it's a good kind of awful, somehow. That guilt that's been sitting on her chest since Tuesday has slipped, fallen away a little, enough for her to breathe comfortably and not dwell in perpetual self loathing.

She slowly sits herself up in bed, fumbling for her glasses in the darkness. ]

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❄ third reminder

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hours in the future, but not many